Widow on the Hill Review
A hot young woman who lost her old, but very rich husband, lives in a house that’s on a hill.
Actual DirecTV Synopsis
A woman accuses a nurse of murdering her father.
Level of Attention While Watching: With Wife, but Thinking of Mistress
Devoted Husband: Was giving the movie 100% of my attention
With Wife, but Thinking of Mistress: Watching the movie, but not giving it my full attention
Cheating Bastard: I wasn’t paying much attention to the movie at all
James Brolin plays Hank Cavanaugh who is a rich man with a dying wife and some daughters. If you’re an older person, then you’re probably more familiar with James Brolin’s career and if you’re younger, then you’re probably more familiar with his son Josh Brolin. James Brolin has a very long list of movies on his resume so to give him anything less than a A-Lister grade would be down right hatin’!
Did she show her boobs in “Species”? Well funny you should ask, she did for a matter of fact. Were those same boobs one of the first pairs of boobs my young eyes had ever seen? Yes they were.
Jewel Staite plays Jenny Cavanaugh, the young daughter of Hank Cavanaugh who hates Linda. Staite had that, “I’ve seen her before…” look/face, but after looking at her IMDB page, I don’t recall where I’ve seen her before. Staite wasn’t anything special, but she wasn’t terrible either, after spending most the casting money to get Brolin and Henstridge she got the rest and played a good enough daughter who hated her new young hot step mom.
The Movie (with spoilers)
I’d be lying if I said I had any idea what this movie was really about before watching it, all I saw was Natasha Henstridge in the synopsis and the title “Widow on the Hill” so I was pretty much watching no matter what. The movie was apparently based on a true story, but I didn’t find this out until the end when it started doing the “They went on to…” part in the credits.
The basis of this movie is a TV journalist doing an interview with Linda Cavanaugh (Henstridge) who is on trial for murdering her old ass husband that everyone knows she didn’t really marry for the love, but for the money. As Linda is going through the interview, the movie starts doing flashbacks to how she got involved with Hank Cavanaugh (Brolin). Turns out he was married to a woman the same age as him but she was dying and then Linda came in to be a nurse for her and to also help Hank cope with his dying wife. In this case “cope” means, “perform sexual favors for.” Hank is kind of a dirty old man though as he checks out the young hot blonde Linda who is soon to be his new wife.
Soon after Hank’s real wife dies, he quickly moves on as him and Linda begin seeing each other. They don’t waste any time as Hank quickly asks Linda to marry him. Knowing Hank has a lot of money of course Linda can put up with Hank for a little bit to get some inheritance. Hank also asks Linda to sign a prenuptial agreement. This doesn’t sit well with Linda and she gives Hank a big guilt trip. She asks questions like, “Did you have a prenuptial agreement with your old wife? Well did you trust her? Do you not trust me?” Hanks knows he’s not getting any more of that young tail unless he agrees to not have a prenuptial agreement so he doesn’t lay his foot down.
While all this is happening, Hank’s daughter, Jenny, really doesn’t like what is going on. She doesn’t like how Linda moved in quickly and how her dad is just seeing her immediately after the death of his wife. Needless to say Jenny and Linda don’t get along at all and Jenny isn’t afraid to let Linda know.
After Hank and Linda are married for awhile, things apparently get a bit stale for Linda as she then moves on to some of Hank’s younger more attractive farm worker boys. A real funny part occurs here though as Linda is getting her freak on with a worker, Kevin, who is a young handsome man, certainly a lot more suitable for Linda than Hank is. Unfortunately for Kevin, another younger worker, Rick, catches them and instead of just seeing it and then telling someone about it, he interrupts them, which I believe is called a c**kblock. What makes this scene even better is that Rick then gets seduced by Linda immediately afterwards when Kevin is out of sight. Rick 1, Kevin 0. Rick ends up feeling really bad about this and calls Jenny about it and tells Jenny that Hank needs to know his wife is cheating and he’s a good man – Hank is a good man, not Rick – who was sleeping with his friend’s wife, don’t think you’ll find that description next to “a good man” in the dictionary, in fact, I don’t think you’ll find “a good man” in the dictionary.
Jenny goes and confronts Hank to his face about Linda cheating on him and of course he doesn’t believe it and gives Jenny the ol’ “You’re just jealous of her!” excuse. After some time Hank leaves his denial state of mind and finally confronts Linda and even Kevin about the whole affair thing, but apparently he’s cool enough with it to allow Kevin to continue to work there. I don’t remember what excuse Linda gave him, but somehow he swayed him to not get mad I guess.
Eventually Hank gets real sick and Linda takes care of him but is also still tight with Kevin while Rick is just too good of a guy to get with Linda again. One night while Hank is up in bed on an IV, Linda is having dinner downstairs with Kevin and Rick when there’s a sudden crash to the floor. Everyone rushes up stairs and Hank had fallen off the bed and turns out to be dead. Right after the death, Linda and Kevin are all checking out the will together and Rick catches them and knows something is suspicious. Meanwhile Jenny is of course really suspicious and wants to bring a murder case against Linda for the death of her father. Jenny then finds some morphine under the sink or some suspicious place like that, even though Linda should have disposed of all of it IF she used it to kill Hank, but I’m not saying she did.
Eventually there’s a trial and Linda is found NOT guilty as I believe there wasn’t enough evidence that she purposely killed him, I don’t really know though as I lost interest and didn’t take detailed notes on the movie towards the end since Linda kept her clothes on more as I was taking notes only when Linda took her clothes off.
Intense Moments with Keith
Intense Moment #1
After the Linda/Hank wedding, Jenny goes up to her new mom and congratulates her. Linda then shows Jenny her new wedding ring and it’s the family heirloom that was intended to be given to Jenny when she got married. I really thought this was going to lead to a cat fight or at least some champagne being thrown on someone, but nope.
Intense Moment #2
When Rick catches Linda and Kevin getting it on in some barn shed, I figured Rick might go tell Hank or someone and then they’d confront Linda and Kevin, but as mentioned above, Rick decides to c**kblock Kevin and then takes Linda for himself, great friend that Rick…
Jewel Staite looks like Jessica Biel at times, but her face is also shaped a little bit like Snooki’s at times as well too.
Other Potential Titles
From a man’s point of view:
- Natasha Henstridge Does a Few Sex Scenes
- That Hot Chick From Species
- Don’t Trust Women 40 Years Younger than You
From a woman’s point of view:
- A Way to Make Money if You’re Young and Hot
- Never Trust the Old Man’s Daughter
Had this movie been anyone other than Natasha Henstridge, then I really wouldn’t have liked it, but since she was in it, I simply just didn’t like it. However, since she was in it, it could have been called “Natasha Henstridge Stares at a Pile of Crap All Day” and I still would have watched it. I prefer her in such movies as “Species” and “Maximum Risk”, however, if you are curious about the true story of Linda and Hank Cavanaugh, then I suggest you watch “Widow on the Hill”.