A boyfriend takes his new girlfriend to the video rental store to rent a romantic comedy but all the good ones are already rented out.
Actual DirecTV Synopsis
To save her kidnapped daughter, a nurse must kill a hospital patient.
Level of Attention While Watching: Devoted Husband
Devoted Husband: Was giving the movie 100% of my attention
With Wife, but Thinking of Mistress: Watching the movie, but not giving it my full attention
Cheating Bastard: I wasn’t paying much attention to the movie at all
I won’t lie, I almost listed Lochlyn as an A Lister, but I held back. This guy has always been great in all the movies I’ve seen him in. He plays a great stoned out funny guy. I don’t think many people know him by name, I certainly don’t, but they know his face. He’s the only reason I recorded and watched Gone.
I’ve never seen Molly Parker in anything until Gone. I really think they uglied her up in the movie, as they often do, just check out Mireille Enos in The Killing. Parker plays a good worried mom who’ll do anything for her daughter in Gone.
What’s worse than reviewing a movie you watched a couple months ago? Reviewing a movie you watched a couple months ago that you didn’t really care for. So this is your chance to back out now from this terrible review from a movie I didn’t care for.
… THIS IS THE OFFICIAL CHANCE WHERE YOU CAN BACK OUT…
Gone is one of those my-kid-got-kidnapped-and-I-have-do-what-they-say-or-else movies. We’ve all seen them, whether it’s a kid or a wife, such as in Fargo where William H. Macy set it up so his wife would be taken, the only difference is that movie is good.
The movie starts out much like the terrible TV show The Killing – which is also about a kidnapping and then a murder – and is actually worse than Gone because it’s about 13 times longer and doesn’t give you the killer’s identity in the last episode of the season when they said they would. No I’m not bitter at all about it. I just remember it starting out like The Killing, I don’t actually remember why it does.
After the running through the woods opening, Gone focuses on the unstable mom, Amy (Parker), and how she’s losing custody of her child. The father in the movie is played by my man Lochlyn Munro, you may not know his name, but you know his face. Loved him in Scary Movie. Anyway, one day, Amy goes to pick up her daughter, Emily, from school and she’s… wait for it… GONE! (BRILLIANT TITLE!)
Amy then receives a random call with the usual, “Hey, I want you to do this, but you can’t tell anyone or else your daughter gets it,” call. We’ve all either gotten that call or made our call ourselves. The only problem is… the kidnapper just doesn’t sound very tough. You can tell he’s black, but he doesn’t sound tough enough. He doesn’t have that Keith David voice that’s deep and threatening. I instantly had an issue with this, hard for me to take kidnappers seriously if they have not-tough voices.
Amy starts running errands for the kidnapper – “Hey go here and do this…” type stuff. She finally gets instructions to go to a hospital and kill a patient. Instead of bringing in the authorities, Amy actually goes and does it, not saying I’m against this, just a ballsy move on her part.
Unfortunately for Amy, this patient has a security guard right outside his door. Amy gets ahold of a needle and then takes the guard out and gets to the patient. The patient conveniently wakes up in time and explains to Amy that he’s a journalist and yada yada yada some cover up of important people doing bad things or something he’s going to write about.
I think Amy and the patient, who we’ll call Jeff (I’m not sure that’s his name, just making that up at the moment), try to escape, but like every good kidnapper, he has someone working inside the hospital. That guy then kills Jeff and then Amy ends up killing the kidnapper’s gunman in the stairwell.
The movie flashes back to Amy being attacked one night and she was never the same since, that helps explain why she’s all edge-y. That, however, does very little to add to this already poor review.
While Amy is at the hospital causing ruckus, a couple detectives are on her tail. One of them is a young female who just graduated college while the other is a more experienced guy. They’re after Amy as she got out of the hospital and is continuing her pursuit of her daughter.
Amy somehow finds out her daughter might be at some empty warehouse, which is where most kidnapping victims can be found in case you’re ever in Amy’s situation, and then goes after her daughter. Of course her daughter isn’t gift wrapped for Amy to pick up and take him, there are guards watching the area. Like most guards who trace their own footsteps around a facility, one of them is bald. Even though I don’t really remember this part, I’m fairly confident in saying one of them is bald and having it be true.
The warehouse doesn’t carry Amy’s daughter, but it does carry some type of vaccine. I believe it’s a black market flu vaccine. This is some plot to become super rich by someone. The detectives show up and then I think the young female detective tries to set it up as the other detective being the bad guy and then frames Amy for shooting him. I have a real issue with the female detective being a bad chick though; she just doesn’t have it in her to be a bad chick. She looks more like someone you’d see as the receptionist at a dentist office or something. I just couldn’t take her seriously if she were pointing a gun at me. I’d just be like, “So where do I sign in?”
Not sure how, but Amy gets away from the blonde detective and maybe even kills her and then finds out she can get more information about her daughter at some fancy dinner party so she gets into that. The non-threatening bad guy who made the phone calls to Amy is there and gets in an argument with the homeowner lady as things are getting too dicey. I believe Amy then causes more ruckus at this party and gets more information on her daughter’s whereabouts.
Somehow time is ticking down I believe and Amy and the dad chase after their daughter’s location. She ends up being trapped in some cargo storage container and it’s a happily ever after ending.
Other Possible Titles
- My Daughter is Missing
- If You Want to See Your Daughter, Do This or Else…
- Lochlyn Munro from Scary Movies Stars in Gone
Maybe it was just me, but for whatever reason, this movie just didn’t do it for me. I might have been in the wrong mood, but it was just trying too hard I think. I love the cheese factor of all Lifetime movies, but this one wasn’t loaded with hotties and the story was just too over the top with the flu vaccine and then the weak voice of the bad guy didn’t help. I especially didn’t care for the non-threatening blonde detective being a bad cop, just wasn’t believeable.