Sep 5, 2011

Posted by in Reviews, The 2010s | 0 Comments

Deadly Sibling Rivalry

Deadly Sibling Rivalry posterActual DirecTV Synopsis

A vengeful woman steals the identity of her comatose twin sister.

WML Guess Synopsis

There’s only enough room for one favorite daughter in this family so one sister tries to kill the other sister.

Level of Attention While Watching: With Wife, but Thinking of Mistress

Devoted Husband: Was giving the movie 100% of my attention

With Wife, but Thinking of Mistress: Watching the movie, but not giving it my full attention

Cheating Bastard: I wasn’t paying much attention to the movie at all

The Movie Play by Play

0:01 This movie is on Lifetime HD, sure is nice to see a movie in HD on Lifetime for once.  When is DirecTV going to get LMN HD?

0:01 – Movie starts out with rock climing, two daughters and a dad and the dad just fell to his death.  One of the twin sisters is below and sees it happen and the other is up top and being blamed by the one below. “What did you do Jana, what did you do!?” asks the sister below with fake tears.

0:02 DEADLY SIBLING RIVALRY

0:02 – Wow, the mom of the movie is what I like to call… A Lifetime MILF.  See what I did there?  I just put “Lifetime” in between “A” and “MILF” to make it more specific.

0:03 – As the phone rings, Panasonic is sponsor blocked by Lifetime as they cut off the P or maybe it’s just an old ass phone and the P naturally came off, wasn’t a good sponsor blocking job, get some electrical tape over that sh**.

0:06 – Oooohhhh… it’s not a MILF, it’s the sisters and they’re all growns up. Yes I meant to put “growns” instead of the proper “grown” so don’t be all like “Damn, this guy is a dumbass and doesn’t proof read.”  Not to say that’s not true.

Charisma Carpenter in Deadly Sibling Rivalry

Charisma Carpenter

0:07 – Surprisingly Lifetime has the budget to edit in one actress (Charisma Carpenter) to play twins, can’t be cheap or easy on the actress.  Are we sure Charisma Carpenter isn’t an adult film star?  How about that name?  It has to be used in the adult industry.

0:10 – Well look at that… Kyle Richards, a real housewife of Beverly Hills (my favorite season by the way) is in this movie.  Had no idea she acted, seriously, I didn’t.

Kyle Richards in Deadly Sibling Rivalry

Kyle Richards from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

0:10 – The women hit on the not at all attractive to cougars waiter and he doesn’t know how to handle it, much like he wouldn’t know how to handle them if he worked his game like my boy Brian from Another Man’s Wife.

Christa B Allen in Deadly Sibling Rivalry

Christa B. Allen

0:14 – It looks like I one of the twins really is a mom as her daughter (Christa B. Allen) and leather jacket/tattoo wearing rugged boyfriend kiss in front of her to you know… rebel… so my A Lifetime MILF rating still stands. I’d better start tagging posts with that now.  Damn, that’s a lot of go back and edit work now.  Do I include the moms in commercials too?  How about a poll…

0:20 – The daughter and mom don’t seem to get along, maybe this movie should be called Deadly Mom Daughter Rivalry.

0:22 – Maybe Lifetime isn’t sponsor blocking in this as an Apple is clearly visible in the background as the daughter and mother dance around singing to each other with a terrible song.

0:24 – The MILF’s car won’t start so the twin sister offers her a ride and the car ride is nothing but bickering – this can only lead to one sister dying and the other stealing her place which makes for a great Lifetime movie.

0:25 – Wells snaps, damn twin sister woman driver is driving like a maniac and drives off a cliff. I think this is where one of the sisters makes a switch as the non-MILF seemed jealous of the MILF. 

0:28 – Lucky for the one twin sister making the switch she never got really fat so it’s believable she makes the switch, but still… my mom has a twin and I’d know if my aunt tried to pose as my mom.

0:37 – Kyle Richards siting again… she comes in and starts grilling the niece about snooping around.  Still can’t get over she’s an actress.  She might be Paris Hilton’s aunt or something too, I’ll have to verify that with my wife.

0:40 – Kyle Richard again comes and threatens the new MILF with a “yada yada yada or else…” line.  Something to do with the suitcase that was in the car before the accident, it was one of those suitcases you only see in the movies.

0:41 – It looks like this family has DirecTV, they won’t be watching this movie in HD if it airs on LMN.

DirecTV Remote

I doubt she has NFL Sunday Ticket...

0:48 – It’s almost an hour into the movie and I still have no idea which twin is which, should I downgrade my level of attention?  Okay, looks like Callie is the one in a coma or whatever and then Janna is the

0:50 – Looks like Kyle Richards has the twin switch all figured out, I guess that means the daughter can officially be declared a dumbass.

0:54 – The daughter might have figured that her real mom is the one in the coma thing, but Callie doesn’t care as she thinks the daughter will prefer this.

0:55 – Callie locks Kyle Richards in a deep freezer!  It’d be pretty awesome if Camille Grammer showed up and rescued her.

0:57 – Looks like the freezer is a Whirlpool, clearly no intentional sponsor blocking here, I like it. Ahhhh a dead Kyle Richards! I bet her housewife enemies have paused this scene and had it turned into an 8×10 they can wake up to. 

0:57 – Now that I think about it… this is consecutive Lifetime movies where a dead body and deep freezer is involved.

1:05 – The daughter is in the house looking through the suitcase while the boyfriend is on lookout.  The suitcase contains a ton of pills.  This scene is intense.  The music is pounding as the fake mom walks in the door and the daughter tries to clean up the mess of the spilled pill bottles from the suitcase.

1:07 – Fake mom discovers a bottle by itself outside the suitcase and now she knows something is up.

1:12 – I just found myself spacing off, might have to definitely downgrade my grading now – looks like fake-mom is in the process of killing her twin sister, still in a coma, at the hospital, by poisoning the IV fluid.

1:16 – i-Cool looks to be a menopause product, does Apple know about this?

1:19 – The new IV fluid goes into work and the coma sister immediately starts reacting to it and it doesn’t look good.  The daughter starts screaming and freaks out, which is fine while the sister just stays calm and cool, which is a bit weird and suspicious.

1:20 – The doctor comes in and revives the coma mom and the fake mom immediately bolts and tries to get out of there before she’s figured out.

1:21 – Black person sighting.  I think this is the first black person in the movie.  I’m going to start making note of this in future reviews.

A Russell Andrews in Deadly Sibling Rivalry

1:21 – Well… daughter calls out the fake mom but she can’t prove it so no one really believes her.  I think this would be a lot easier to prove in real life…

1:28 – Fake mom plants pills on the daughter and then when the daughter leaves, she calls the cops on her.  Some fake mom she is, not looking out for her fake daughter.  Anyway, a cop immediately gets the call and conveniently pulls them over.  Now the rugged boyfriend backs her and says the pills are his, what a great guy.

1:42 – The mom and daughter are trying to set up a switch-a-roo to frame the fake mom.  I’m pretty much checking out at this point.  You guys don’t know this, but I just paused the movie for 45 minutes, ate some pizza and ate some M&Ms.

1:47 – Just had a commercial advertising The Stepson, looks a lot better than the movie I’m watching, good thing I DVRed it!

1:48 – It’s a flash back of the car accident from the beginning of the movie and it shows the bad sister trying to become the good sister.  I guess she’s having memory issues so they’re running through her life to try and bring things back.

1:51 – Snaps the bad sister is coming at the mom and daughter with a shotgun now!  She doesn’t fool around.  She must not play many first person shooter video games as she’s shooting at them from a distance, everyone knows those have bad range.

1:52 – The daughter has toppled off a cliff and is now hanging on while her mom ran off and will try to come back and save her.

1:52 – Oh wow, another revelation flashback.  The bad sister meant to kill her sister instead of her dad when they were repelling.

1:54 – Well this makes a lot of sense… the mom gets a bunch of rope and throws it to the daughter on the cliff and then they begin to repel down together.  How about she just helps the daughter up instead of doing the repelling thing?

1:55 – This is taking way too long, oh look at that, the bad sister is back with a shotgun and she’s going to cut their rope.  Am I the only one who didn’t see this coming a mile away?

1:56 – The good sister just cut the bad sister off the rope and she fell to her death.  I’m not sure how she toppled over the cliff, my wife called me to look at the MTV Music Video Awards in the other room.

Other Possible Titles

  • The Good Twin
  • And Twiiiiiiiinnnns!
  • I Hate the Woman Who Looks Like Me
  • I Hate My Other Self
  • I Want to Kill My Sister
  • I Tried to Kill My Sister
  • My Mom’s Favorite Daughter

Closing Thoughts

I don’t know if it was me or the movie, but I lost interest towards the end.  This movie could have been about 30 minutes shorter to hold my attention span.  I do have to say that Charisma Carpenter is a hottie though, she is probably in my Top 10 Hotties of Lifetime List which I haven’t made but I should.  You should probably only check this movie out if you’re a big “Real Housewives of…” fan, you’re a dude and you want to see Charisma Carpenter, or you’re bored and it’s on TV that day.

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