I honestly didn’t pay much attention to this case, maybe it’s because I wasn’t as interested or maybe it’s because I got more busy at work, surely I wouldn’t read about this stuff on my time.  This case drew a lot of attention because it involved sex and a moderately attractive female, oh and a murder.  TMZ even did a pole of Who’d You Rather? between Knox, Anthony, and Arias with Knox running away with the vote (she got my vote).

This might be one of those films that focuses on the trial with a lot of flashbacks or it may just be the entire story – meeting boyfriend, killing boyfriend, going to court.  I could scour the inter-webs to read more about this case, but I think I’ll just wait for the movie to sum everything up for me.

This movie premieres on Lifetime on Saturday June 22 at 8 p.m. EST, don’t miss it!

SOURCE: USA TODAY

Looks like Lifetime All-Star, Hayden Panettiere, best known for playing Amanda Knox in the Lifetime original movie Amanda Knox: Murder on Trial in Italy - okay, she’s probably not best known for that role when she had those great Neutrogena commercials, but it’s at least a close second – anyway, looks like she’s the new face of cotton.

Check out the full commercial for yourself below, but first I have to assume a few things with this commercial.

1. That’s really Hayden Panettiere singing in the commercial. I know she’s in that Nashville show, I’ve never seen it, but I’m assuming she’s a very talented actress that also has some singing ability.
2. The people in at the outdoor party towards the end aren’t her real friends and they’re instead actors.
3. Cotton is what Amanda Knox wore during the murder of her roommate.

A couple crazy things about Hayden Panettiere… she’s only 23 and she’s only 5′ 1″.  Crazy when those kid actors grow up a bit and you think they’re older but they got started at such a young age.  As YouTube commenter backup368 puts it:

Indeed backup368, indeed.

Ashley Benson

Young actress, Ashley Benson, was first brought to my attention when I watched Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal and after watching it, I started following her on Twitter (@AshBenzo) and didn’t think much of it.  She’d have nice little tweets of her being on set of Pretty Little Liars or tweets of her eating cupcakes, but I figured she was just the head evil cheerleader in a Lifetime movie and then she’d have a solid career in TV and film.

This weekend, Ashley Benson is getting her big break on the big screen with Spring Breakers where she stars along side James Franco and fellow Disney sweethearts Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens.  Not only does she star along side them, but it’s reported there’s a threesome in the movie.  Quite the jump to go from sweet little innocent female to a threesome scene, but I respect that from an acting perspective.

Miss Ashley Benson is lucky I’m not having dinner in a diner with her right now or else she’d get the following treatment from me:

Instead, she’s a big movie star probably doing promotions for her big movie so she doesn’t have to worry about me dancing on a table in front of her.  Check out the trailer to her new movie Spring Breakers below, looks like a doozy.

You may remember the Lifetime movie Untouchable: The Drew Peterson story which starred Rob Lowe as Drew Peterson and Kaley Cuoco as Stacey.  The movie’s most famous line was “I’m untouchable bitch!” delivered from Rob Lowe.  Well, with the real life Drew Peterson spending the next 38 years of his life in prison, he’s going to be very touchable… to the other inmates, he’d better hold on to that soap extra tight or he’ll be hearing “You’re touchable bitch! And you’re my bitch!” from someone much bigger than him.

Drew Peterson already got one Lifetime movie and I don’t think he’ll be getting a second, but if he did, some possible titles may be:

• Touchable: The Drew Peterson in Prison Story
• Anal Rape-able: The Drew Peterson in Prison Story

[SOURCES: Time and CNN]

Christy and Mitch use a surrogate mother in hope of creating the perfect family. Their hopes are quickly shaken when they discover the young woman they chose may not be as perfect as they first thought.

WML Guess Synopsis

A husband and wife who can’t conceive set up a net to catch a woman hiking in the forrest so they can force her to be the surrogate of their child.

The Cast

The B Listers

Rachel Blanchard

If you’re a fan of Flight of the Conchords, then you’ll probably recognize Blanchard as she played Sally who dated both Jermaine and Bret.  That being said, if you watch Lifetime movies, you’ve probably never seen FOTC.

 

Mia Kirshner

To me, Mia is known for being the incestuous older sister in Not Another Teen Movie.  She’s definitely been in a few other things, including The L Word, which I hear is/was a pretty popular show.

 

 

The C Lister

David Julian Hirsh

This guy looks like he has a solid resume on IMDb.  He’s also in another new Lifetime movie called Twist of Faith, in which he stars along side Toni Braxton.

 

 

The Movie

I tuned in 30 minutes late to The Surrogacy Trap, but I think I got the just of it.  Mitch (David Julian Hirsh) and his wife, Christy (Mia Kirshner), want to start a family, but Christy is unable to have children so they hire Mallory to be the surrogate mom.  Little do they know that Mallory (Rachel Blanchard) is also a complete psycho, more on that later.

While Mallory is carrying Mitch and Christy’s baby, she starts doing crazy things, such as coming on to Mitch and trying to get Christy out of the picture – typical plot of a Lifetime movie, of course.  Christy is actually uncomfortable with Mallory because Mitch had a one-time affair with a lady much worse-looking than Christy and views Mallory as a threat and doesn’t fully trust Mitch either.  Mallory also tells people that it’s her baby she’s carrying and doesn’t ever mention she’s a surrogate mom.

When Christy has a baby shower, one of the Christy’s friends discovers that Mallory is the surrogate mom and calls Mallory out on it since Mallory is also in a yoga class with the friend and tells her it’s her baby and she’s not a surrogate mom.

Mitch and Christy's house in "The Surrogacy Trap". No idea what Mitch or Christy do, but gosh, it's a big house for suburban Chicago.

Mallory finally goes off the deep end (That is a phrase, correct?  And that is the correct use of that phrase, correct?) and is acting all psycho in Mitch’s huge Chicago suburban house while threatening to get rid of the baby or have it and run away, can’t quite remember that detail.  As Mallory is running out of the house, her water breaks and she then had the kid in a nearby hospital.

After Mallory gives labor, Mitch and Christy immediately take the baby away from her and she goes psycho.  I think they had an agreement that Mallory wouldn’t ever see the baby after having it and apparently Mallory wasn’t too high on that end of the deal at the time.  Had she been high on that idea, the movie probably would have been 1.5 hours instead of 2 (including commercials).

Of course the movie doesn’t end there and instead Mallory is somehow able to get to the baby at the hospital but not much happens with that.

As Mitch and Mallory are living happily ever after with a new thoroughly tested and interviewed nanny, Mallory is still devising a plan to get Mitch and the baby in her life.  She meets with a lawyer and he says that she can have the baby if she’s able to get Mitch to divorce Christy and marry her.  This is what Mallory wants considering she has Photoshopped photos of her and Mitch getting married at her place, nope, not at all psycho…

Mallory sees her chance to strike and take the baby for good when the nanny’s car brakes down and then Christy is forced to take the baby to work.  As Christy pulls into a parking garage and terribly parks (see picture), her assistant comes out to grab a bag from her, leaving Christy all alone in the parking garage.  How often have we seen bad stuff, besides parking jobs (more on this below), happen in movie scenes that take place in a parking garage?  So you guessed it, Mallory comes by and drugs Christy and then steals the baby.

Rachel Blanchard might look all sweet and innocent in her photo above, but don't let that fool you, she's much more psycho looking in this photo taken from the movie.

While Mallory has the baby kidnapped, Mitch gets a call from his ex-lover woman, Jessica, and Jessica has some news for Mitch.  Right now you’re probably guessing she’s pregnant, but that’s not the case.  Since Christy doesn’t trust Mitch to go over there, she goes over there instead and Jessica delivers news that she kind of knows Mallory.  Apparently Mallory was once dating someone Jessica knew and wanted to have a kid, but he didn’t.  Mallory then found out that Mitch, remember Jessica’s ex-lover, wanted a kid, but his wife, Christy, couldn’t.  Mallory then got obsessed with Mitch and wanted to have his baby and be a family with him.  I know a lot of that probably doesn’t make sense, but I’m not willing to go back and re-watch that part just to clear up the details.

From there, Christy and Mitch devise a plan with the help of law enforcement that will make it seem like Mitch wants to be with Mallory in order to get the location of the baby.  So while Christy and Mitch’s house is filled with a ton of cops, they all leave with Mitch to go to Mallory’s location.  What other movie have we seen where all cops are called to a central location in order to let a bad guy get away with something?  Oh, that’s right, The Dark Knight Rises and Die Hard with a Vengeance, didn’t turn out too well.  When Mitch blatantly arrives with an entire SWAT force at Mallory’s motel room off the interstate, Mallory is busy going over to Christy’s house in order to get revenge on Christy.  Before we get to that, let’s go back to Mitch’s arrival at the motel, he gets there and parks right in front of Mallory’s room with several law enforcement people.  Even if Mallory were in that room, she’d easily be able to recognize the police woman in the car Mitch keeps staring at, which is right outside her peephole.

Okay, so now back to the house where Christy is all alone.  She hears a subtle baby cry so goes rushing downstairs and outside only to find a baby monitor with the sound of her son.  She then goes inside where Mallory awaits, then BAM!  Mallory Shane Stants Christy with a wooden baseball bat.

Christy and Mallory then wrestle it out a bit and when Christy is down, Mallory gets a big knife and is going to end Christy for good, but then she hears the baby and stops and then Christy wakes up and takes two fists and knocks Mallory down.  Christy then runs upstairs because she watches a lot of horror movies and that’s what girls do when running away from the bad people, they go upstairs… The girl fight continues with a couple pins against the wall until Christy is finally able to throw Mallory over the edge where Mallory lands on her back on a glass table in the lower part of the house, which is also how Beyonce kills the Ali Larter in Obsessed.  Only in this movie, Mallory dies upon impact of the table, which I don’t really believe… the fall wasn’t that far and it wasn’t like glass went piercing through her body.

The movie then flashes to the kid’s 1st birthday and Christy is somehow pregnant with their 2nd child and one of those soft romantic songs plays in the background.

An Ode to Mallory

I call this, “The Most Beautiful Girl (in this Lifetime Movie)”

Looking ’round the movie… I can tell that Mallory… you are definitely the most beautiful girl… in the movie… in the whole wide movie.

And when she’s in another Lifetime movie… depending on the movie… I bet she is definitely in the top three… good looking girls in the Lifetime movie… depending on the Lifetime movie…

And when I saw her in another Lifetime movie… I thought… what… is… she… doin’… in another Lifetime movie… how did the director get a hottie like that in a movie like this… good on director man!  Oooooh, you’re a legend director man!

*This ode samples “The Most Beautiful Girl (in the Room)”

Brutal Parking Job

As mentioned above, when Christy enters the parking garage to go to work with her new baby, she, of course, needs to park.  However, she parks terribly.  Check out the photo below (I’ve highlighted the paint lines) to see how Christy takes up multiple spaces in the garage, absolutely no consideration at all.  I also can’t believe her assistant, who came out to help her, didn’t say anything to her.  I don’t care if you’re my boss, I’ll call you out if you do an inconsiderate parking job.  I see this happen often with large cars parking on the line in compact spaces, still inconsiderate, but slightly more understandable than parking your Prius in multiple spots.

Not going to lie... if you park this terribly... maybe you deserve to get knocked out and have your baby stolen.

Other Possible Titles

• The Most Beautiful Pregnant Girl in the Movie
• Psycho Surrogate or Surrogate Psycho
• Don’t Tell Mom the Surrogate is Psycho

Doppleganger

BJ Novak and David Julian Hirsh look a lot alike in "The Surrogacy Trap".

Between these three beauties - Mia Kirshner, Constance Zimmer, and Natasha Leggero, can you tell who is who? One is a comedian, one is a model/actress, and the other was in "Entourage".

Closing Thoughts

Considering I did decide to watch this movie instead of an NBA game, that’s saying something. I think I just wanted to see Rachel Blanchard as something other than Sally from Flight of the Conchords.

Editor note: When I originally published this review, I left out the parking job analysis.

Here’s the commercial I’m referring to if you haven’t seen it:

Let’s break it down.  Before Matthew Alan even arrives at the front door, his younger sister is awake waiting for him to get home as she’s looking out the window.  It wouldn’t be surprising that Matthew Alan is arriving home in a taxi if he was planning on surprising everyone, but later in the commercial, his sister says, “I waited up all night for you.”  That means that she knew he was coming home and the parents didn’t offer to pick him up from the airport or bus station.  I guess the sister could be in on the surprise and she’s just not old enough to drive yet and they were planning on surprising their mom and dad.  Let’s go with that one as it’s less creepy than the sister just hoping he’s arriving home that day and she wasn’t going to sleep until he did.

Back to the commercial, as he’s at the front door, the camera clearly shows “VOLUNTEER” on his backpack.  That hints to us that he was off in another country doing volunteer work out of the goodness of his heart.  

After his sister answers the door, he jokes with her as if he has the wrong house, cute I guess… if your sister is like eight and not 15.  His sister then gets giddy and says, “Sister!” and then they hug it out.  I wish she could have clarified how long he was away.  If he left when she was four and he hadn’t seen her for eleven years, then I’d understand him saying, “I must have the wrong house.”

After bro and sis hug it out, that’s when they enter the kitchen and the bombshell of news that lil sis waited up all night for him is tossed Matthew Alan’s way.  He then let’s the viewers know he was in South West Africa.  So now the viewers know, “Oh, he’s a volunteer that was in South West Africa, what a great human being.”  Then we get our first glimpse of Folgers.

Matthew Alan gets a great sniff of Folgers which about to be in his cup.

After Matthew Alan smells the Folgers coffee, he then takes a shot at coffee in South West Africa by saying, “Awww, real coffee.”  Is the coffee in South West Africa fake?  I bet there’s some damn good coffee down there, hopefully he doesn’t go back after this visit or else there may be some tension.

As the coffee gets poured, his parents smell it and know he’s home and they start to get up, as they decided to not get up earlier and pick their son up from the airport.

This is when it gets real creepy.  As the younger sister sits on the counter in her pajamas, probably not wearing a bra, Matthew Alan tells her he brought her a present, nothing bad so far.  But then the sister takes the bow off the present and puts it on her older brother and smiles.

Matthew Alan then gets weirded out and asks, “What’re you doing?”  The sister then says to him, “You’re my present this year.”  They then share a moment and the viewers all change the channel and decide to start buying only Starbucks or Maxwell House going forward before they even see the parents come downstairs to hug their son who was away in South West Africa volunteering for who knows how long.

Let’s take a quick look at some of the Twitter reaction when looking at the #Folgers hashtag.

The #folgers brother/sister commercial will always make me feel uncomfortable.

— Kayla Ann (@heylovelyy) December 21, 2012

Ugh, Folgers. You really can’t come up with a new commercial? THEY’RE SIBLINGS, for chrissakes. So creepy, every year. #folgers

— Elise Ramsay (@aquale) December 21, 2012

Just saw that #Folgers incest commercial on TV!

— Crystal Friedman (@crystalfriedman) December 19, 2012

 To be fair, not everyone just sees the incest that most people see, let’s look at some other tweets, which we can assume they’re referring to the same commercial.

BTW, the #folgers ad w/ the son coming home & he-sister make coffee for parents who wake up to their son home for the holidays… #tearyeyed

— Phil Quinn- Agent (@philquinn1) December 20, 2012

FYI, @lifetimetv “Walking the Halls” actor, Matthew Alan is in a new #Folgers commercial. Very touching, brings tears to my eyes.

— Waste My Lifetime (@WasteMyLifetime) December 21, 2012

 Okay, so that last tweet is from me just being sarcastic, but the other one from @philquinn1 seems somewhat sincere. All other tweets seem to just be creeped out by the commercial though.

Glad to see Matthew Alan has gone on to some other good acting work after this commercial though, beyond Walking the Halls, he was in Red Tails, and most noteably, another commercial, this one for Dodge Charger, that features him and ironically, his younger sister, only this time, it’s her friend who wants him and I’m totally cool and not at all creeped out.

Let’s get the made up movies started.

1. Two Mannings Don’t Make a Right

Peyton Manning is the #1 pick by the Indianapolis Colts and finds instant fame and success.  Fast forward a few years later and his baby brother, Eli, is drafted in the first round.  While both have NFL fame, neither have a woman they can call a wife.

While at the Pro Bowl in Hawaii, Peyton and Eli fall in love with the same hula dancer but she says she’ll only marry the first one to win a Super Bowl.  The next season both Peyton and Eli make the Super Bowl, but which Manning will get to wed the hula dancer from Hawaii?

2. Manning at 17 (Title influenced by Dead at 17)

A young stud football player is 17 years old but has never had a girlfriend because he always focused so much on football so everyone thinks he’s gay and no girls ask him out because of it.

Manning realizes his greatness at school and finally asks out a girl, Laura, and of course she says yes because he’s the star quarterback.  Manning ends up getting her pregnant and has to make the decision of his life – Does he stay with Laura and take care of the baby or leave town and take his full ride scholarship to University of Tennessee?

3. Cooper’s Revenge

Ever wonder what you’d do if your younger sibling became one of the greatest to ever live?  Would you be happy for his success?  Would you secretly be jealous?

Cooper Manning is unable to live with Peyton’s collegiate and professional success and vows to get revenge on his brother.  Cooper hires cheap prostitutes to say they’ve hooked up with Peyton while he was on the road so it looks like good-guy Peyton is a womanizer and his wife and kids separate from him. 

What Cooper doesn’t intend to happen is to come down with testicular cancer, only Cooper can’t afford treatment since he spent all his money on prostitutes to make his baby brother look bad.  After Peyton offers to pay for Cooper’s treatment, how long until one of the prostitutes talks and Peyton finds out it was Cooper who set him up?

4. My Manning, My Lover (Title influenced by My Stepson, My Lover)

Peyton’s father, Archie, divorces after his wife thinks he has pushed all his sons too hard.  Since Archie is a former NFL football player, he has no problems getting another woman, only his new wife, Matilda, is in love with the wrong Manning.

Not only does Peyton’s new mom have a thing for him, but he also has a thing for her.  It’s not a matter of if, but when Archie finds out.  How long can this go on before Archie finds out and what will happen between him, Peyton, and Matilda? 

5. The Perfect Manning (Title influenced by The Perfect Husband)

After Peyton Manning suffers critical neck injuries forcing him to miss an entire season his career may be over.  When doctors go to repair his neck, they give Peyton a choice of some military experimental procedures that will fix all of Peyton’s flaws.

Not wanting his career to be over, Peyton chooses to have the military experimental procedures done and comes back for the next season.  Only this time, Peyton’s improved.  His arm has the ability to throw the entire length of the field with pinpoint accuracy and he’s faster than Michael Vick.

How long can Peyton live the lie of being a machine?

Someone isn't a happy camper... and has put on a few lbs... (PIC SOURCE: FoxNews.com)

After murdering multiple women, it looks like Joran Van Der Sloot is finally getting some jail time - 28 years in a Peruvian prison to be exact.  Van Der Sloot is serving jail time for the murder of Stephany Flores, NOT Natalee Holloway, who was officially declared dead on Thursday by a judge in Alabama.  Holloway’s parents still want justice for the disappearance of their daughter. Hopefully Van Der Sloot comes out and admits to murdering her and then tells them what he did with the body so they can get some closure.

Sounds like Van Der Sloot might spend some time in the US though as the Holloway’s are hoping he’s extradited to the US for extorting money from Natalee’s mom, Beth Holloway.

Besides questions about Van Der Sloot’s jail time and his extortion charges, another important question to ask is… will we get a third Lifetime Natalee Holloway/Beth Holloway/Joran Van Der Sloot movie out of this trial and conclusion?  The first movie being cleverly named Natalee Holloway and the second movie being more cleverly named Justice for Natalee Holloway.  I say, “Why not?”  The third movie can begin right after the second movie ended.  It can include his trial and sentencing and then him coming to the US to deal with extortion charges.  If we’re fortunate enough to have a third movie, then I demand Stephan Amell and Tracy Pollan return as Joran Van Der Sloot and Beth Holloway respectively.  Amell might be too big time for Lifetime now as he was recently just in the HBO series Hung which is about a dude with a huge c*** and I’m not making that up, time for Lifetime to make a knock off of that script actually.  I’d actually be okay if Tracy Pollan didn’t come back as Beth, I wouldn’t miss her, Julie Benz would be a luxury as Beth Holloway.

So what do you think? Should Lifetime pull the trigger on a third movie?

1. Just Turned 21 (Influenced by Accused at 17)

Just because this one sounds like it could be a porn, doesn’t mean it has to have a porn-like story line.  Out of a group of friends, one of the friends turns 21 and buys alcohol for everyone else and they get in a big car crash and die.

#DrinkingAndDrivingAwareness

2. A Job to Screw For (Influenced by A Job to Kill For)

Okay, this title is a bit aggressive, but we’ve all heard a variation of this phrase in the workforce.  You see some young hottie high up in the corporate ladder and you ask, “Who’d she have to screw for that position?”  I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying it’s there.

As for the movie, it’s exactly what the title says it is.  A young woman, right out of college, screws her way to the top of the corporate ladder.  That’s not the end though, after she gets to the top, a young man does what she does and screws his way to the top and overtakes her.  No death in this one, not even from STDs.

 3. The Teacher’s Favorite Student (Influenced by A Teacher’s Crime)

 As a salute to the latest teacher sex scandal, allow me to make up a fake Lifetime movie that sounds like a porn.

 I think we should bring back Elizabeth Berkley to this one to reprise her role as the sexy chemistry teacher (just as she was in Student Seduction).  Only this time, instead of being happily married to a doctor and following the rules of the school district, she instead breaks them and starts an inappropriate relationship with a student.  However, since it’s consensual on both ends, is it really all that inappropriate?

 Instead of the teacher ending up in a court room and going to jail, which I don’t always think is fair, Elizabeth Berkley and the student run away together and the boy gives up his family to be with her.

If Michael Cera can pull off a dramatic role as a high schooler, I’d like to see him play the seduced student, but his career isn’t at that point yet and this movie would just turn into a comedy, no matter how hard he tried.

4. His Married Father 8 (influenced by Her Married Lover)

 His dad might be married, but is his dad’s wife faithful?  Not one bit, as she goes after the over 18 years of age stepson.  Shoot, this sounds a lot like My Stepson, My Lover.  Well eff, I’ll have to think this one out a bit more…

 How about Her Married Mother instead?  This is the reverse of my original title, the mom has a hot husband and he falls for the over 18 years of age daughter.  This one ends with the daughter going to jail after trying to murder her mom.

I added the “8” to the end because of the high number of sequels in the adult entertainment industry.

5. Two Women, One Man (Influenced by My Apparently Dirty Mind)

Pretty sure the porno version of this one is already made.  Okay, I’ll admit it, I found various versions of this one while doing my “research” for this post.  Two Large Women, One Man or Two Blonde Women, One Dark Man… you name it and it’s probably there.  This movie is simple though, one guy who is dating two women who don’t know about each other.  Everything is fine and dandy until the player slips in his unfaithful ways and the girls find out about each other.  Only instead of wanting to get revenge on the guy, they want to get rid of each other so they can have the man all to themselves.